10.10.10

I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE ME ♥

AFD.

TIME HEALS.

Happy Assumption Feast Day all! Let's hope Mary carries my letter with her (:

o.o

If I'm just gonna give up like this, call me an IDIOT!

If you're telling me this is the end, screw yourself coz i did not ask you! well i really didnt

It honestly aint easy going through times like this when you're so used to 'good times' lol

But hey, everybody needs a wake up call right?

If i've been so positive all way through, I can definitely go on.

Collect yourself, El.

I CAN DO THIS!

:)

Over The Rainbow ♥

.

" When I let go of what I am,

I become what I might be. "

There was once a lonely girl who longed desperately for love. One day while she was walking in the woods she found two starving song birds. She took them home and put them in a small glided cage. She nurtured them with love and the birds grew strong. Every morning they greeted her with a marvellous song. The girl felt great love for the birds. She wanted their singing to last forever.

One day the girl left the door to the cage open. The larger and stronger of the two birds flew from the cage. The girl watched anxiously as he circled high above her. She was so frightened that he would fly away and she would never see him again that as he flew close, she grasped at him wildly. She caught him in her fist. She clutched him tightly within her hand. Her heart gladened at her success in capturing him. Suddenly she felt the bird go limp. She opened her hand stared in horror at the dead bird. Her desperate clutching love had killed him.

She noticed the other bird teteering on the edge of the cage. She could feel his great need for freedom. His need to soar into the clear, blue sky. She lifted him from the cage and tossed him softly into the air. The bird circled once, twice, three times.
The girl watched delighted at the bird's enjoyment. Her heart was no longer concerned with her loss. She wanted the bird to be happy. Suddenly the bird flew closer and landed softly on her shoulder. It sang the sweetest melody she had ever heard.

Do you realise?

The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tight,

and the best way to keep it is to give it away.

and now, i'm giving mine away :)

I've come to realise that change is never easy. You fight to hold on, you fight to let go. But sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. Life is full of crazy moments that will drive you up the wall, but behind all that is a story just waiting to put a smile on your face. I can look back at so many things today and laugh, although they were the ones that made me cry earlier. Thank you Jesus for making me the strongest person i never knew i could become. So many things pulled me down, yet You picked me up with a whole new oppurtunity every single time. Thank you for helping me see You in everyone, learning to forgive and forget.

Please, please let me be myself again (:

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

xoxo

xx

my poor blog's dead :(

anyway, spent a week shopping in india.

feels good to be back i can say im a proud malaysian lol

being there made me realise how perfect life is back home

now too many things to look forward to here

cant wait for tmr, one step at a time :D

till then, toodles.

teeheee.

currently bitchin crapping with YOSHNEEEEE.

.

THIS TIME FOR AFRICA!

.

waka waka

:D

:)

one more elena, JUST ONE MORE!

what sort of paper was that?

ZZZZ

anyway, too many down, ONE TO GO!

yeay

lol know what, you're such a loser for giving up so easily. walked out of every problem leaving me trying to fix your shyt. what kind of person are you? sore loser.

.

words cant describe how proud i am of myself right now.

YEAY ME!

.

okay back to bio.

xoxo

i'm sorry,

just give me some time and i'll be all hyper again :)

so yeah, that dream did have a message. and i was so stupid to be ignorant.
i clearly should have known. pure bullshyt.
it wont happen again. i mean it this time.
trust me, i left a long time ago just to walk back again because i had nothing better to do lol.
but there's no freaking point saying you're strong everywhere and not being able to practice it when you face shyt like this.
plus, what am i to lose if i walk out of this picture?
LOL at least i saw your true colours. i should have believed everyone from the start.
should i listen to my head or my heart?
i think we clearly have the answer now.
and i AM still feeling quite happy and contented with life.
so it's gonna be much, much easier this time :D
xoxo

"EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER"

x

dare to dream?

.

i dont know if dreams have hidden meanings behind em but i had such a weird dream yest.

well obviously im not gonna mention it here but seriously,

it got me thinking.

WTF MAN. if there's a message through that, it's just not good.

ohshyt, i feel so weird now.

.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW,

I FOUGHT TO LET YOU GO.

xoxo

WAVE YOUR FLAG!

WORLD CUP FEVER YO!

.

im doing a double countdown,

to the end of my finals(june10) and to worldcup(june11)!

how cool is that?
.

ARGENTINA

.
BRAZIL
.
ENGLAND
.
GERMANY

poor ballack :(

.

JAPAN

.
KOREA

i used to be such a huge fan of ahn jung hwan. :D

.
PORTUGAL

of course, i'll never skip this xD
.
SPAIN

.

i bet over ITALY only because my friends took the rest.

honestly, i have no freaking idea who the hell plays for italy but that's okay, all we need to know is that they won last year!
.
.

WHEN I GET OLDER, I WILL BE STRONGER

THEY'LL CALL ME FREEDOM,

JUST LIKE A WAVIN' FLAG.

xoxo

♥

C.H.E.M.I.S.T.R.Y

killing me softly

.

ELENA, YOU CAN DO THIS!

.

i just had my grandaunt and granduncle over, who came to visit my mum. and somehow me and aunt rita got into a deep convo about my future and all that and suddenly to positive thinking. how so many things can change when you stay positive, how negative thoughts kill you slowly, how our own minds can build or destroy us.

we are the creators of our own destiny, she says.

a cancer survivor, she was fighting for life a few months ago, barely able to move. today she's up and about, looking all pretty and so full of energy,

OHMY SHE IS SUCH AN INSPIRATION!

i've become so positive and so strong over the past few months, but she made me realise that life is so much more beautiful and there's alot more to it than stress and pressure and all that bullshyt. now im just happy to be me and im happy for everything else, THANK YOU JESUS. ofcourse, thankyoutoo aunt rita.

.

elena signing off, pray for me and chemistry :D

dear jesus, please give mum all the strength she needs =)

i finally went for facial like after 500 years lol.
song stuck in my head : BILLIONAIRE by Bruno Mars and Travis McCoy

OH EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES,

I SEE MY NAME IN SHINING LIGHTS!

should i listen to my head or my heart?

hallelujah!

Now i've heard there was a secret chord

That David played, and it pleased the Lord.

.

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne, she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the hallelujah!

.

Baby I've been here before

I know this room, I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before i knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

LOVE IS NOT A VICTORY MARCH

It's a cold, It's a broken hallelujah.

.

xoxo

tell me what i wanna hear.

my head is all over the place AGAIN.

maybe i should quit worrying about what others think.

and i know this sounds weird but

i feel bad for breaking a thermometer earlier.

like i killed it :( DURING A REAL PRAC EXAM zzzz

god please help me recover from every shyt i have to.

xoxo

D.E.A.D

M.E.C.H.A.N.I.C.S

people are crying over the damn paper!

and im here all emotion-less.

bless me.

and it all comes down to believing again,

so let me tell you this.

i AM going to believe!

.
Jesus said,

'Ask and you shall receive,

Seek and you shall find,

Knock and it shall be opened to you.'

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

xoxo

OH DEAR CHEMISTRY,

PLEASEEE HAVE MERCY ON ME!

Love me, Love me, Say that you love me!

Fool me, Fool me, Oh how you do me!

Kiss me, Kiss me, Say that you miss me!

HOMG JUSTIN BIEBER I HEART YOUUU!

I HAD THREE DIFFERENT BUBBLE TEAS TODAY AND IT IS NOT FUNNY!

my tempting thoughts.

so alot of people have been asking me to get twitter, something which almost everyone uses now i guess. and for some reason, im so lazy thinking that i already have this blog and facebook and friendster lol god knows how long i havent been in there. suddenly this strucked me, why cant i just twitter this blog? LOL as in do my status updates here just like how people do there. only thing i cant tag people and all that and this is a lil more private, well literally. and since i always feel like updatin but then get lazy thinking ive to write a long story lol. but if i suddenly feel like posting a picture or even writing a long story, i still can do. not sure if they allow that on twitter. yeah i think im gonna try this. lol TWITTER MY BLOG :D xoxo

BLAHHHH.

.

STOP CALLIN' , STOP CALLIN'

i dont wanna think anymore

I LEFT MY HEAD AND MY HEART ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

.

manu : yeayyyy!

CHELSEA : LOLLLL.

need i say more? xD

.

the super huge chocolate easter egg at home.

nobody wants to eat it, my house is currently filled with body-conscious-humans.

i wonder how long ive to do the treadmill if i finish this whole thing. LOL

.

.

yes, i miss my long hair :(

.

.

i'm officially doing a countdown to my finals.

MAY 12th.

around 23 DAYS MOREEEEE.

will somebody switch on my nerd mode!

why is it that everytime i open a book, i feel like sleeping?
and note : i do fall asleep. ZZZ

.

andddd kimkardashian is dating cristianoronaldo?!?!

they're both idiots. PFFFFT.

.

.

TAKE MY BREATH AWAYYY. :D

i feel insane.

xoxo

some good nonsense.

.

.

dear blog,

current mood : confused? WEIRD. mixed feelings.

.
it's my last few days of the two weeks off i had, i dont know if im waiting for the holz to end or not. but seriously, ive never seen time fly faster than this. nothing very productive was done but i did clear my list of 'things-to-do'. dad's back home and it feels great to have him. On the other hand, my partner-in-crime just left for aimst. although kedah aint that far away, it's still not here, you know what i mean. haihhh. im already missing her heaps :( fatzz, cant wait to see you soon.
.

now who's gonna be my camwhore partner? =.=
.

. .

anyhowww i missed my laser apointment yesterday thinking it was today! wtf like i checked the card just last week and i very clearly remember seeing 15th of april! and mum made me call the doctor today to reconfirm the timing just to realise the stupid card had 14th of april on it. now i have to wait till next week for another appointment ZZZZ. irritating much?
.

anddd i welcome all those pimples (not proudly), exam stress?

I FEEL CRAZY.
.

my poor kittens, the ones who TRIED growing up without a mum, all died recently. they were so adorable although two were black. i named the other one TIGER, because it was super naughty LOL i honestly dont know what to feel anymore.

.
something i received.

ARSE-nal, a team i'll never learn to love.

although some players are smokinnn hawtt!
.

.
i'm sorry all you arsenal fans.
just for laughs :P

and i like the way messi said,

'Fabregas has Arsenal in his heart, but Barcelona is his blood!'

sexy much.
anyway, i have a very strong feeling manu's gonna die to mancity on sat. blahhh we shall see.
.
xoxo

A Girl Like Me.

.

maria elena.

nice to meet you :)

.

- i'm an eighteen year old wannabe mature adult, trying to enjoy the last few months of college without screwing up i hope.

- i AM weird. i laugh when i'm sad, cry when i'm happy, smile when i'm hurt and sleep when i'm angry. LOL

- i try my best to stay positive at all times,

because negativity kills.

- i think heartbreaks are normal.

- yes i love shopping but im not a shopaholic.

- at one point of time i was so addicted to chocolates, now i feel like vomitting everytime i see it.

- i love heels, have plenty but i cant drive with them on.

- i'm not mean but do not test me.

- even if i could change certain things, i wouldn't. I dont live in regret.

- i believe in miracles and nothing can separate me from my faith.

- which girl doesnt gossip?

- the doctor claims i might be bulimic but i think thats just crap.

- i love watching THENANNY.

- i'm surprised at how fast i actually can move on.

- i don't force attraction.

- i hate it when you call me a flirt, well hello, look at your-freaking-self!

- everything happens for a reason, so just shut up and go with the damn flow.

- i never give up, unless giving up is the only option left.

- dont feel bad for me, feel bad for yourself.

- i wanna be an airstewardess/model/actress/wtv, but looks like im heading towards medicine.

- atm, i'm very outdated bout the latest movies and songs. and im not proud of it at all.

- i think im gonna start my fruit diet because being vegetarian is making me fat.

- i'm proud of who i am, and who i have around me :D

- i sleep like hell-a-lot! LOL part of my hobby :)

- i call myself stupid if someone hurts me.

.
- i dont waste my time thinking bout revenges, thats for lifeless people.

- what anyone else says bout me is none of my business.

AND ITS NONE OF YOURS EITHER.

- i think eyebags are sexy,

but i have more than enough LOL

- i munch on ice when i'm stressed.

- i cant swallow tablets.

- i love kids, hence the pediatric career.

- i'm very into the colour pink :D

- i can worry bout my own problems, just MYOB.

- i love quotes, i believe that one line can change your thoughts about anything.

- even if you dont know me well, you'll know that i hate hypocrites.

- i look like a std 5 kid now with my hair short!

- there are people in my life that i will die for.

- i forgive easily, but again you dont have to test me.

- i am NOT normal haha.

- i'm sorry if i'm a heartbreaker, i never wanted to be one.

- i think trust is more important than love in a relationship.

- sometimes memories are worth the pain.

- i hate crying in front of anyone, but my tears come out easily.

i believe that sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is waiting there for you.

.

if you dont love me at my worst, then you dont deserve me at my best ;P

.

it's a week to my trials, but im here blogging LOL and i'm waiting for the manu-liv match tonight.

so thought i'd come update this dying blog a lil :)
.

xoxo
.

.

.but.you.cant.see.my.heart.beating.

FEBRUARY ; started. and ending veryyy soon. whyy?
.

anyway, happy late CNY and LOVE DAY everyone!

.

my cny holz were amazing, didnt expect that much of fun after my stressful results. yoshnee, thankyou for the super-tiring-shopping we had. kyle, ganesh, bryan, rohan, ram, sze, jeremy, ooi, naresh, thankyou for the two days straight! haha i'm very happy besides the fact i planned to study but obviously didnt. it's okay, a fresh start now. i even took a two day extra break from coll, haih. honestly, i need all the positive energy back. yes i love college!

.

my dumb internet connection was down a few days back and i had a headache trying to understand what the stupid streamyx lady was saying. yes my computer terms aint good, im stupid in that sense. so finally i managed to pull some wire out and fix it here and there, now it's good. but i dont get how this works because my laptop's wireless. oh nvm, as long as i can go online haha.

.

on the positive note, i finally arranged my clothes cupboard yesterday! and hell it took me 3 hours straight, of course with my maid's help. not forgetting i planned all my study plus gym&diet timetables. i think this is the FIFTH time im planning this year. it just doesnt seem to work. but there's always a first time :)

.

and so i'm having this convo with ming on msn, about hot footballers. talking about fabregas and persie, i just realised there's no hot players in manu, yes i support manu. last time because of ronaldo, and now like i told ming, im not changing teams because of hotties, makes me feel like an idiot. haha but really, WHO ARE THE HOT ONES IN MANU? plus they lost to everton in which arsenal won earlier this season by 5 points. pffffft. no i still hate arse-nal!

.

i.dont.know.whats.happening.to.my.feelings.

so many things took me long enough to realise, i'm sorry

but i wont stop believing :)

.

xoxo

with love.

.

HAPPY 23rd ANNIVERSARY

MUM AND DAD!

.

may you both have many, many more amazing years to come

lotsa love.

i pray for a good february :)

.

.

"YES YOU MADE ME STRONGER, SMARTER AND SEXIER!"

.

my little prayer :)

.

.

In every need let me come to you with humble trust saying ;

Jesus help me.

In all my doubts, perplexities and temptations ;

Jesus help me.

In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials ;

Jesus help me.

In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments, troubles and sorrows ;

Jesus help me.

When others fail me, and your Grace alone can assist me ;

Jesus help me.

When I throw myself on your tender love as a Father and Savior ;

Jesus help me.

When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good come from my efforts ;

Jesus help me.

When I feel impatient and my cross irritates me ;

Jesus help me.

When I am ill and my head and hands cannot work and I'm lonely ;

Jesus help me.

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind ;

JESUS HELP ME AND NEVER FORSAKE ME.

.

.

omggg just two hours ago i was laughing like an idiot with ming, sze ee and ganesh.

now im feeling like shyt, i feel so sick i can die anytime.

there's just too many things happening tmr.

dad's coming home, carmen's bday, my fav uncle's bday, he's not here with us anymore though.

and of course, AS results.

mixed feelings. no i just feel like an idiot now.

not everyone seems to be terrified.

ming and ganesh were laughing their butts off earlier when we spent like an hour in sze's and then a&w and then another hour in ganesh's.

well yeah i was having hell of a time also buttttt...

haih this is crazy.

i cant swallow anything now, i feel like puking, i know im not gonna sleep tonite.

what if i do real, real bad? omg?

im sure my parents arent ready to accept this because ive been producing results all this while

it's like im more afraid of what dad will say than knowing the results itself.

god made it such a way that dad's landing here just in time for the results to be out tmr.

i dont know if i should laugh or cry seriously.

im actually sweating now, and it's raining outside.

seee i knew i become weird when im stressed.

i might need them sleeping pills tonight.

my head is spinning. maybe im just tired after today.

and here i am blogging -_______-

and yes, im crapping. UGHHHH.

everyone's msn pm, well my classmates, all have something to do with tmr.

and earlier,

.

nikkhil : results coming out tmr.

me : YES I KNOW NIKKHIL.

.

haha im so sorry nik but really, i dont think i need anyone else reminding me.

.

HELPPP?

.

okay on the positive note,

I KNOW THIS ISNT THE END.

i can still work my butt off for A2.

i started college again being very, VERY positive and honestly, im lovin every moment now.

what if, well WHAT IF I MESS UP BADLY TMR and there goes all my positive vibes.

thats actually what im worried about.

first i felt like my ovaries were gonna come out, now i feel like my whole body is ripping off.

tell me im not weird.

and i just told nikkhil on msn im going nuts. and i just called him dutchead. WTF?

myheartwilldefinitelystopbeatingwhenIclickCHECKtmronline.

and you know why i can still laugh now?

.

me : im scared

nikkhil : why ah?

me : BECAUSE IM GETTING MARRIED TMR. -_______-

.

okay before i really faint here, i better go get some sleep. well SOME. hopefully.

i'm driving to coll tmr, yes i dont wanna kill ming on the way.

goodnightworld.

.

.

"i'm just a little girl lost in the moment"

when you go down, downnn ;P

i like to pout, got a problem? LOL

.

BREAKING NEWS.

I'M BACK IN COLLEGE! HEEEEEE.

.

remember elena, stay positive.

I LOVE COLLEGE, I LOVE STUDYING. you wish!

.

anyway my night was awesomee. nott.

went to bed at almost 12 and guess what, I COULD NOT FREAKING SLEEP.

so i turned here, turned there, listened to my ipod that had NO BATTERY AFTER 5 SECONDS!

sat on the bed, started scribbling some crap on a paper and sooner or later i realised it was 2am.

so i went to bed again, TURNED HERE AND THERE AGAIN, and it was 3 freaking am.

decided to text yoshnee, ming and ganesh. yoshi and ganesh must have been sleeping like pigs because they didnt reply.

and ming,

.

me : DUDE I CANT FREAKING SLEEP. am i that excited for coll? geeeez

ming : you're lame.

me : THEN WHY ARE YOU AWAKE LOSER. pfffft

ming : coz your msg woke me up.

me : OOOPS.

.

haha then i decided to text savira.

.

me : swie are you awake?

her : why where's the fire!

.

another jakun. maybe it's because everytime she'll be the one texting me at that time of the day and i'll be dead asleep. LOL cant blame her. and we went on crapping bout some gym people. and later i finished reading my CONFESSIONS OF AN AIR HOSTESS novel, stupid STUPID ending.

.

it was 4am when i decided to text ganesh again, this time saying, I THINK IM STILL AWAKE. haha jesus help me! i knew his phone was on silent or he's deaf when he sleeps so yeah.

.

almost 5 something, i finally went to bed, just to wake up at 6 from a HORRIFYING, TERRIFYING DREAM. well nightmare, more like it. and believe it or not, for the first time in my entire 'college-life', i was ready by 7am. and again i texted ganesh! HAHA thinking bout it, was i really that excited to go back to coll?

.

in college, i realised my class was right beside the men's toilet. GREAT! actually i knew bout this earlier, but i was praying something went wrong somewhere. got an awesome place to sit with awesome people around me, just like last year. and i actually prefer this class. the toilet doesnt affect us, besides the fact we cant say we're going to toilet and then disappear for 20 minutes somewhere else haha! (it's not for me, it's for ganesh!) and somehow, i forgot that people actually freeze in college, i went with some transparent sleeveless top today, wanting to look nice and trust me, i was dying for the next 5 hours! not forgetting my eyebags thanks to the one hour sleep pfffft. btw, IT IS SO FREAKING HARD TO FIND RECEPTION IN THE NEW CLASS. suddenly it's there and suddenly it says emergency calls only, OMG? nvm maybe god is telling me, no more texting in class elena! it's been a looooong day.

.

so yeah, my results will be out on the 25th. well obviously im not looking forward to it. but wtv i get, i know it's not the end. i can still work my butt off for A2, and i will. my trials are in march or april, another OMG! six months will fly just like how one year did. and im just trying to stay as positive as possible. :D :D

.

'PEOPLE BELIEVE WHAT THEY WANT TO, AND SO IM GOING TO BELIEVE THAT I CAN!'

.

xoxo

2010 :)

.

Another year is here,

Another one to live.

Banish worry, doubt and fear,

LOVE, LAUGH AND GIVE.

.

.

now who said i was ready to let go of 2009?!? LOL.

.

holiday mode = TURNED OFF! sigh?

.

am i really ready for 2010?

.

resolutions ;

-be a better person ; daughter/sister/friend etc

-be a lil more serious, more than '09 definitely

-remain positive at all times

-produce good results, i've to work my butt off for A2 and no i can't complain

-be consistent in my work, no tomorrow's.

-cut down on shopping (MUST)

-donate more

-start the gym again, at least 3 times a week ( i want muscles :D )

-use the treadmill at home everyday

-complete organ, start guitar

-pray everyday

-worry less

-sort out my clothes and accesories, GEEEEZ!

-sleep less and maybe i should learn how to do some housework

-smile and make people smile

-be happy everyday unless there's really a reason to cry

-spend more time with my grandmother

-NO regretting anything i do

-decide on my career

.

a lot eh?

.

2009 was an amazing year.

There's definitely a cause for celebration, for the unbelieveable life i've had so far, the accomplishments and many blessings, even the hardships because they served to make me stronger.

So many wishes were granted and instead of asking for more, i should be thanking God.

thank You so much, i know for a fact that i can lose anything in this world but You. iloveyou.

.

Just as gem cannot be polished without friction,

life cannot be perfected without trials.

.

Every problem i had, God brought me to it and through it.

and i know that everything WILL be okay in the end, it just takes time.

.

2010, i wonder what He has in store for me.

.

anyway, i just thought i'd come update my blog a lil.

i havent even been here since i left for aussie, or thailand? even better.

so here it is. :D :D

.

HAPPY 2010 LOVELIES!

may this year be as good or much better than the last for all of us.

(no im not greedy haha)

.

xoxo