tell me why.

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i don't know what i'm currently feeling but what i know is that i definitely should not be feeling this way. on one hand, i'm happy with everything i have and on the other, i'm upset because some things i've actually worked and prayed for doesn't seem like it belongs to me. honestly, i've always been avoiding this certain something just to realise that it all piled up and gradually became a bigger problem. yes, i admit i was worried about people around and i did fall into their trap, but now i've become smarter and i do realise there's much more to all this. i'm sick and tired of current things. it's true, i always knew that this will either make or break me. just when i really need to forget everything, it's haunting me much more than ever, and no, ignoring me isn't helping. i thought you were different, i know you are. i did blow away so many chances and i regret. now tell me, why am i feeling this way? when i can just jump to a whole new story easily? i feel weird, and i think i'm getting myself into hell-a-lot of unnecessary confusion. it feels like as though my whole body is tearing apart. and i AM trying to tell myself that this is only a slip, not a fall. i do not believe that at the end of the day, the good people suffer. and with this little respect i still have for you, i want to make things better. i'm afraid i've to just let go. maybe things are telling me to, but something is stopping me. and it clearly becomes very difficult when i insist on holding on to things which very dearly have gone beyond my control. elena, let-freaking-go! release yourself from imaginary chains. life is too short to hold on to things that do not make sense anymore! but it's like i'm stuck. someone slap me and help me realise that i'm only human. sigh help me. till then, i shall believe in the power of prayer and wait for awesome me to come back. :D ily.
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" with God, all things are possible"